I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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