he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
