I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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