you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
