You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
