Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
