Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
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