I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
