dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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