It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
