I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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