She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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