i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
