i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
