I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
