I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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