I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
