That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
