His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
