Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
