She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
