you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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