and you said cock pushups were impossible
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
