Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
