ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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