dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
