It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
