I need help removing her.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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