My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
