...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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