so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
