There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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