Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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