I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
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