This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
