She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
