Just mADE A PArabola og urine
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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