They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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