I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
