Don't make out with my wife yet
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
