I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
