i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
