i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
