she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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