Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
