Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
