My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
