My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
