There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
