look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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