What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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